The Pith Helmet

Barry Gifford

writers-B-Traven

An excerpt from Barry Gifford’s Writers.

Tiny-House

THE PITH HELMET

* * * * *

CAST OF CHARACTERS

B. TRAVEN, aka HAL CROVES, writer, a man in his late 40s/early 50s, provenance uncertain, author of many novels, one of which, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, is about to be made into a feature film, starring Humphrey Bogart, that will make Traven’s fortune and him world famous.

JOHN HUSTON, Hollywood director and screenwriter (The Maltese Falcon, et al) set to embark on the making of the movie based on Traven’s novel. Son of the actor Walter Huston, who will co-star with Bogart (and win an Academy Award for his performance). John Huston’s reputation as a drinker, brawler and womanizer precedes him.

HUMPHREY BOGART, an actor

 * * * * *

SETTING

The year is 1947. Traven and Huston are about to meet for the first time at the Hotel Reforma in Mexico City. Traven, however, is masquerading as Traven’s “agent,” Hal Croves, for reasons unknown by Huston. The play takes place in the director’s hotel suite.

 * * * * *

A knock at the door. JOHN HUSTON, a tall, lanky man in his early 30s, opens it.

HUSTON

Ah, Mr. Croves, I presume.

TRAVEN/CROVES enters. He is wearing a slightly soiled white sportcoat, white trousers and a beige pith helmet. HUSTON is dressed casually, slacks and open-collared shirt; half an un-lit cigar protrudes from one corner of his mouth. TRAVEN/CROVES surveys the front room of the suite, then stands by a window overlooking the Paseo, his eyes inspecting the director.

HUSTON

I’m quite alone here at the moment, if that’s what’s worrying you.

TRAVEN/CROVES

(with German accent)

I am not worried, Mr. Huston, just suspicious. There is a difference.

HUSTON

Nothing to be suspicious about, Croves. Would you like a drink?

TRAVEN/CROVES

I never drink when I am negotiating.

HUSTON

It’s the lawyers do the negotiating, not us. Have a seat, won’t you? I’ve been looking forward to meeting and having a conversation with you.

TRAVEN/CROVES sits down in a chair. HUSTON sits on the couch and pours himself a drink from a bottle of Tequila on the coffee table in front of him.

HUSTON

When in Mexico.

(He takes a sip of Tequila.)

Now, Mr. Croves, I’ve been given to understand that you are an agent for Mr. Traven.

TRAVEN/CROVES

That is correct.

HUSTON

Why don’t you take off that pith helmet? There’s not much sun in here.

TRAVEN/CROVES

If it is all right with you, I will leave it on for the moment.

HUSTON

When do I get to meet Traven? I’ve got a few questions to ask him.

TRAVEN/CROVES

You can ask questions of me and I will relate them to Señor Traven. If he wishes to answer your questions, I will deliver his replies.

HUSTON

See here, Croves, I don’t work for the FBI. I just want to make a good movie out of Traven’s book. I’m here to discuss any concerns he might have regarding how I go about it and to tell him what I have in mind.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Señor Traven has read your screenplay and is quite satisfied that you have made a proper understanding of his novel. He is experienced in these matters, having written several screenplays for films made here in Mexico. As I make clear, it is Señor Traven’s request that anything you wish to tell him you will tell me.

HUSTON finishes off his drink, then pours himself another.

HUSTON

Sure you won’t have a shot Mr. Croves? This is top-notch Tequila, from Guerrero.

TRAVEN/CROVES waves his hand dismissively.

TRAVEN/CROVES

I don’t wish to appear impolite or ungrateful, Mr. Huston, but I must decline this aspect of your hospitality.

HUSTON

I like a man who drinks with me. It’s a good way to get to know him.

TRAVEN/CROVES

I have no reason to doubt that you are well-acquainted with many men who share your opinion.

HUSTON

Women, too. The trouble with women is that the better they hold their liquor, the better they lie.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Down.

HUSTON

What’s that?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Down. They lie down. Is that what you mean, Mr. Huston?

HUSTON laughs.

HUSTON

You’re clever, Croves. Is Traven as clever as you?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Señor Traven is a humanitarian. His desire is through his books to reveal the ultimate futility of greed and avarice so that the unnecessary suffering caused by exploitation of the common man shall be eradicated.

HUSTON

Are you sure you won’t imbibe, Mr. Croves? It makes the Wobbly credo go down better.

TRAVEN/CROVES shakes his head no.

HUSTON

Let’s talk about Treasure. The way I see it, it’s Howard, the old man, who’s at the center of things. He wants to get rich but he’s not greedy, nor is Curtin, though Curtin can be manipulated. Dobbs lacks character and the confidence that goes along with it, so he’s dangerous. Traven means Howard to keep the peace but only to a point. He’s seen enough to know that sometimes the only resolution to a sticky situation comes out of the barrel of a gun, like Goering said about culture. Either that, or to skedaddle while the skedaddling’s good.

TRAVEN/CROVES

You make no attempt to disguise your cynicism, Mr. Huston. I like that. And the precise words of Herr Goering, I believe, were, “When I hear the word culture, I reach for my Luger.”

HUSTON

Call me, John, please. My father—who, by the way, has agreed to play the role of old Howard, without his false teeth—told me when I was a boy that it was impolite when in civilized company for a man to wear a hat indoors.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Ah, my pith helmet annoys you, does it?

HUSTON

The helmet doesn’t annoy me, only your keeping it on while we talk.

TRAVEN/CROVES takes off the pith helmet and places it down on a chair next to his.

HUSTON

Traven’s a German, I understand.

TRAVEN/CROVES

He was born in Chicago and is of Norwegian parentage. He has been living in Mexico for many years.

HUSTON

Why?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Have you ever been in Chicago, Mr. Huston?

HUSTON

I have.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Then you know that it gets extremely cold there. Señor Traven prefers the climate in Mexico.

HUSTON

And you, Croves. You speak English with a German accent.

TRAVEN/CROVES

My parents were from a part of Poland that was taken over during the war. They were ethnic Teutons who spoke German in our house. German was my first language.

HUSTON

How did you and Traven become acquainted?

TRAVEN/CROVES

Quite by chance. But this is not the point of our meeting, Mr. Huston. Señor Traven wishes me to be present as an advisor during the filming. I believe this is stipulated in his contract with the Warner brothers. When are you scheduled to begin?

HUSTON

Next week. Most of the principal cast has arrived and we’re doing a run-through the day after tomorrow.

TRAVEN/CROVES

Señor Traven is pleased that Gabriel Figueroa will be the cinematographer. I’m sure you know that they have worked together and are close friends.

HUSTON

I do. Well, then, Croves.

(HUSTON stands up.)

I think we’re finished here. I’ll have my assistant contact you about the shooting schedule. Gabe and I are going to Tampico tonight.

TRAVEN/CROVES rises and shakes hands with Huston.

TRAVEN/CROVES

It has been a pleasure to meet you.

HUSTON

Same here. Give Traven my regards. He wrote a great book. I hope my movie will do it justice.

TRAVEN/CROVES leaves. Huston pours himself another shot of Tequila but before he can drink it, there is a knock at the door.

HUSTON

Come in!

HUMPHREY BOGART enters, looks around.

BOGART

Croves gone?

HUSTON

Just now.

(He drinks the Tequila, holds up his glass.)

You want one?

BOGART

Sure, so long as it doesn’t cost me anything.

HUSTON pours them both drinks. Hands one to Bogart.

HUSTON

You’re already in character.

BOGART

I like Dobbs. He can’t hide his real feelings.

HUSTON

The saints be with us.

(They drink.)

BOGART

So, John, what’s the score with Mr. Croves?

HUSTON

He’s a Kraut. He’s Traven.

BOGART

Yeah? Why the cover?

HUSTON

Maybe we’ll find out. He’s gonna be on the shoot with us.

BOGART

Oh, that’ll be peachy. What if he doesn’t like what he sees?

HUSTON

I can’t keep him away. It’s in his contract.

BOGART

Jack Warner’s a fool to allow it.

HUSTON

Don’t worry, Figueroa will handle him. And if he can’t, I’ll flash my pistola.

BOGART

Ann Sheridan just pulled in.

HUSTON

Where’d they put her?

BOGART

Here, in the Reforma. Across the hall from me.

HUSTON picks up the half-full bottle of Tequila and heads for the door.

HUSTON

Let’s go welcome her.

BOGART

She never used to be that kind of girl, John.

HUSTON

How long since you’ve seen her?

BOGART

A couple of years.

HUSTON

Well, Bogey, a lot can happen to change a person in a couple of years.

BOGART

Just let me get out of there before you start waving your pistola around.

HUSTON opens the door and Bogart exits. Before Huston follows suit, something catches his eye: TRAVEN/CROVES’s pith helmet, left on the chair. HUSTON goes over, picks it up and places the helmet on his head. He goes out.

 END

Tiny-House

Barry Gifford’s fiction, non-fiction and poetry have been published in twenty-eight languages. His novel Night People was awarded the Premio Brancati, established by Pier Paolo Pasolini and Alberto Moravia, in Italy, and he has been the recipient of awards from PEN, the National Endowment for the Arts, the American Library Association, the Writers Guild of America, and the Christopher Isherwood Foundation. His books Sailor’s Holiday and The Phantom Father were each named a Notable Book of the Year by the New York Times, and his book Wyoming was named a Novel of the Year by the Los Angeles Times. He has written librettos for operas by the composers Toru Takemitsu, Ichiro Nodaira and Olga Neuwirth. Gifford’s work has appeared in many publications, including The New Yorker, Punch, Esquire, La Nouvelle Revue Française, El País, La Repubblica, Rolling Stone, Brick, Film Comment, El Universal, Projections, and the New York Times. His film credits include Wild at Heart, Perdita Durango, Lost Highway, City of Ghosts, Ball Lightning and The Phantom Father. Barry Gifford’s most recent books are Sailor & Lula: The Complete Novels, Sad Stories of the Death of Kings, Imagining Paradise: New & Selected Poems, The Roy Stories and The Up-Down. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.