In a world where the mighty join forces with the mightier. In an empire where everything you believe in is fading away. During a time when her own book is out with the gatekeepers, one unpublished author will risk absolutely nothing to present a fantasy league of publishing mergers in which hope has no limitations, and humor saves the day.
FabJob + Bic® for Her: This Calgary-based publisher of career books joins the world’s only producer of feminine pens to produce a pastel line of waterproofed quote books for inspirational “me-time” in the bath!
Aladdin Paperbacks + Karl Rove: Political self-help books for people who believe in magic!
Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory Press + Wes Anderson: The Woodbury, NY-based publisher of conference proceedings, monographs and technical manuals merges with the American film director to put out a limited edition line of decorative sundials that are also birdbaths.
Black and White Publishing + Staples Office Supplies: This new trade publisher is full of surprises—everything costs three times what it should!
Four Walls Eight Windows + The Butner Federal Correctional Complex: Formerly a political publisher of provocative work by the likes of Allen Ginsberg and Gordon Lish, “4W8W Made-Off” will henceforth dedicate itself exclusively to the non-fiction of Butner’s celebrity inmate, #6127-054.
Ellora’s Cave + Yankee Candle: Dedicated to the publication of unedited memoirs written in the stream of consciousness narrative mode from the second person point of view, this merger will see the release of olfactive-titles that literally smell like failure.
HarperCollins + Johnny Depp: Just kidding. That’s nuts.
Bravo + Amazon: “Publishing isn’t dead—you are!” is a live performance show in which an editorial board gives first-time authors ninety seconds to read from their debut novels before deciding whether to publish them or subject them to the “Blowdown Round” in which as assistant editor shoots 3-inch, poison-tipped rejection letters at them out of blow darts.
Tin House Books + Tulane University: The condiment-loving independent book publisher teams up with the English Department of Crescent City to produce a limited edition of hot sauces inspired by the work of contemporary American writers. The launch product, coming in February, will be a lime and cilantro blend called “Donna Tartttt.”
The humor columnist behind Electric Literature’s “Celebrity Book Review,” Courtney Maum is a frequent contributor here at Tin House, and sometimes we lend her out to The Rumpus and Bomb. You can find more of her work on courtneymaum.tumblr.com or on Twitter at @cmaum.